Pain Calls in Sick

The coalition of body aches and pains, including twitches, pangs, jabs, throbs, stabs, burns, tingles, numbing and cramps, has posted a notice on its web page stating that something is going around the office there, and that the elements of discomfort are themselves not feeling well. Some sort of virus, is the official word. It's hitting hard. "Yes, even pain itself is not immune to a nasty flu," the statement reads. The coalition asks our patience as its agents of bodily harm recover. "Surely, our usual customers can understand how we are feeling right now."

Indeed we do. Take your time. Don't hurry back.